Response

I got a comment in response to this post. I appreciated some of it, but some of it just plain ticked me off. I thought for a good long while, and decided I needed to respond. Unfortunately, there was not an email address or blog to answer back to, so I decided to do it here. As my husband pointed out, it's my blog, and that's my right. So here it goes:

Dear Sheryl,

I'm pleased to hear you've been reading my blog. I originally started this endeavor to keep family and friends up to date on our exciting journey, but it has turned into so much more. I don't know if you have your own blog, but I hope you have thought about the "big picture" when making posts and/or comments. It is impossible to please everyone. In fact, it's really hard to know what to blog about, and what to keep personal. It's especially tough to guess how family, friends, and even complete strangers, will react to any particular post. I do my best, but on occasion, I miss the mark for someone.

I have determined that I have a good sized audience from the adoption community. Mostly, that includes white parents adopting black children. Unlike some people, my family and I never felt a moment's hesitation when God called us to adopt from Africa. The original country (Lesotho) did not have international adoption laws, so we immediately investigated ALL African countries that did. Ethiopia was a perfect fit for us. Many might have looked elsewhere because of racism, ignorance, skin color or fear of something as simple as hair care. We did not! Our daughter Grace is a source of great joy, and a ray of light in our home everyday. No one else would do!!

I would be lying to say that the hair care issues of a black child were not a "challenge" for me. I have very fine hair, with almost no body. I have spent my entire life trying to get it to do something, ANYTHING!! I am allergic to almost all lotions. Off the top of my head, I can think of two that don't cause me a severe allergic reaction. I have eczema, "combination" and sensitive skin, severely oily at the scalp and dry at the ends hair, etc. Many of my biological children share some or all of these issues. My Ethiopian daughter has her own set of issues. They just don't happen to fit into the already complicated repertoire of the rest of our family. However, I think I have made it abundantly clear that I am willing and anxious to learn.

For the record, I did not ever use the word "tame". Although, considering the way hair often looks when kids (both white and black) wake up from their naps, it probably would have fit. The word "challenge" is simply the truth. I have SOOOO much to learn. I REALLY don't know what I'm doing. I am the "clueless white Mom". None of this says anything about my daughter. I understand what you're saying about the messages black children receive from the general public, but would it be better for my daughter to receive less than honest statements at home? If anything, I was rather self deprecating in the post you responded to. We tell Grace constantly how pretty she is. My husband's favorite pet name for her is "Beautiful". Her sister and brothers applaud when she finishes getting ready for the day and looks "So Pretty!". The fact that I have a lot to learn, and am struggling, hardly reflects on her.

When I write a blog post, I am aiming for my particular audience. I am VERY careful about statements or stories that might be uncomfortable to my children or husband. Believe it or not, I actually pray about each and every post. I DO NOT want to cause pain, confusion, hurt, etc., to anyone; especially those I love the most. Can you recall any posts about my sons' ADHD, OCD, RAD, depression, etc.? How many of my blog posts come to mind when you think of pre-teen angst and hormonal outbursts? How about 4 year old willfulness and disrespect? Finally, I feel pretty safe in saying you will never read anything negative about my husband here. He is my life partner, best friend and a most wonderful father to all of our children; in spite of his human-ness. Let's not even get started on my depression and anxiety disorders. Some topics are just plain off limits.

I'm sorry if my post offended you in some way. That was never my intent. You stated that you did not intend to offend either, and I will take your word for that. I am a kind, compassionate person with positive motives. I'm not perfect, but I strive to do my best every single day. I wish my intentions could always be understood, but regardless, my mission in writing this blog will remain constant. I wish to keep our family and friends up to date, while educating them and others that stop by from time to time. Please feel free to keep reading, but understand that my honesty is going to continue.

Blaine